Gaining Perspective
by everlovingdeer
Summary: "I know you – I've heard everything, remember?" "No," he insisted meeting my eyes head on, "You know of me and you're so incredibly scared of actually getting to know me in case I'm nothing like you though. It terrifies you that you might be wrong about me, that you might actually fall for me if you gave yourself the chance. I didn't realise that you were so cowardly."
1. Gaining Perspective

Sirius Orion Black was after something and I knew exactly what that something was. Salazar, every girl probably knew what he was after. And yet they still went along with him.

Loitering outside the Charms classroom, as if it was normal for him to wait for the seventh-year class to finish, he had scanned each of the students as they walked out of the class. It was obvious that he had been looking for someone and no doubt, that someone was the renowned ladies' man's new target. My eyes had drifted over him without a care as I headed back to the common room, chatting to one of my dormmates as I went. But she soon became silent, stopping in her step.

Coming to a halt beside her, I glanced at her with concern only to realise that she was looking at something. Following her eyes, I rolled my eyes when I saw who it was.

"Hello ladies," Black greeted with all the charm he possessed, acting as if he wasn't getting in my way. He turned to my dormmate and I briefly pitied the poor girl for becoming the object of Black's seductions. I went to step around the pair of them when he continued, "I don't suppose I could borrow your friend for a moment?"

The words rooted me to my spot and I stared at the side of Black's admittedly handsome face in mild surprise. Me? His newest target was me? Well boy, did he have another thing coming. My dormmate briefly allowed her disappointment to show on her face before she nodded and hurried away.

Clutching my textbook to my chest, I raised an eyebrow when Black looked back at me with the same charming grin. "You know, Black, if you wanted to talk to me, then you should ask for _my_ permission, not my companions."

"I'm aware of that." Merlin, would he stop smiling? "But we both know that you wouldn't give me your permission."

"Well if you already know that then why search me out anyway?" I continued on my route back to the common room – if he wanted to talk so desperately then _he'd_ have to be the one to come along. I certainly wasn't going to take time out for him.

"Because I'm a stubborn Gryffindor?" he offered in explanation, a small smirk curving at the corner of his lips when he heard the small laugh I gave in response.

"Look, Black, what is it that you want from me?" Glancing up at him, I waited for him to say something when he met my eyes. He said nothing and I narrowed my eyes, looking back to the front. "I'm being serious here."

"Actually I'm –"

" _Don't_ say it." He wisely shut up and we continued to walk. When it became obvious that he had no intention of saying anything, I sighed, "Well, get on with it then. What did you want to talk about? The last time we talked was before you left your parent's home."

"And what a fun memory that is," he muttered with a wince before realising that his charming persona had slipped. "Let me take you out – we can do whatever you want. I'll have fun just by spending time with you."

"Merlin," I couldn't help but snort. "Do you practice those lines at night Black? And since when did Slytherins become your type? Or are they your latest challenge?"

"You know me," he bluffed, running a hand through his hair. "Beautiful women are my type – their house doesn't matter."

"Whatever you say." Muttering the words under my breath, I couldn't help but complain internally about how long it was taking to get to the common room. Did it always take so long? Or was time going so slowly because I was with Black?

"So?" he prompted, clearing his throat. "What do you say?"

The realisation that he was actually asking me out, and not as a joke, made me falter in my step a little. Did he not realise that I knew that he was Sirius Black manwhore extraordinaire? I wasn't going to fall for his skilled seductions. I threw him a rather confused look but continued walking along.

"Is that a serious – a legitimate question?"

"Of course it is." He didn't lose his cool – even when he knew his plan wasn't working. "I want to go out with you."

"Well, my answer is no."

"No?" he repeated as though he'd never heard the word before. Although, looking back on his long list of conquests, perhaps he hadn't. He quickened his footsteps, cutting in front of me to block my path, forcing me to come to a halt. Looking up at him with a raised eyebrow, I waited for what I knew he was going to say next. "What do you mean no?"

"Do you want the dictionary definition of the word?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it." He stared down at me, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's not my fault you're not asking the right questions Black."

He rolled his eyes, "Fine then – _why_ did you say no."

"Because I don't like you in that way and frankly I never will."

"And why the hell not?" he spluttered before gesturing to himself, "Have you seen me?"

"I have," I assured him confidently, "I've seen you go through girls like they're nothing and I've seen the way they have to come to terms with the fact that they weren't any different. I mean, you try and let them down gently Black, but do you honestly think that works?" The look he gave me said it all. "Merlin, you really do think that. When it comes to women – you're a dog. One that moves on quickly without looking back once at the heartbroken girl you left behind. And even if I ever felt something for you, I'm too smart to act on it. To put it in the simplest of terms, Black's you're a dickhead."

His protests were instantaneous, "You can't make such a judgement without even giving me a chance."

"I don't intend to give you a chance Black and there's nothing you can say to change my mind." I walked around him, continuing on my way. Over my shoulder, I added, "Now run along like a good little boy and head back to your common room."

"Little boy?" he echoed incredulously; it appeared that my calling him a little boy offended him more than my opinion of his character did. He called out after me, "I'm only a year younger than you."

Making no effort to respond to him, I assured myself that I had done the right thing. So what if Sirius was handsome and kind in a way that very few of the men in my acquaintance were? It didn't matter that my heartbeat had picked up when I realised he'd wanted to talk to me and it didn't matter that the feelings I'd told him I didn't have, had been growing inside of me since last year. Throughout my childhood my parents had always told me to protect myself and declining his offer was doing just that. Whilst saying no to Sirius was hurting me right now, it would protect me in the long run.

I wasn't going to become just another notch in his belt.

* * *

I hadn't given Black enough credit. It had been my mistake to assume that throwing some hurtful words his way would make him back off. Instead of working, they had only fuelled his motivation and it had been a fatal blunder on my side which meant I would need to suffer through his presence until he got bored – which I expected would happen soon.

But I had underestimated just how determined he would be to get me to change my mind. Did he not realise he was chasing after the impossible? No matter how many times he followed me around the school and sat himself beside me in the library, I wasn't planning on budging.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in annoyance when he settled down in the seat across from me. Watching him pull some work from his bag, I rolled my eyes – it seemed like the librarian's threat to kick him out if he wasn't doing anything had scared him enough that he had kicked his pretence up a notch.

"What does it look like?" He nudged my ankle with his foot and I threw him a glare, pulling my feet away from him.

"It looks like you're here to work but your actions tell me that you're here to play footsie – so why don't you run off to one of your little friends and play with them instead?"

"I've realised something," he declared, ignoring my statement as he leaned back in his chair with crossed arms, "You use my age as a defence mechanism to stop yourself from falling for me."

"You're deluded."

"Am I?" He sat up, propping his crossed arms on the table as he leaned towards me, "There's only a year between us, love – that's not that big of a difference."

I gave up my attempts to work. Setting my quill down on the table, I raised an eyebrow as I asked in disbelief, "You really don't listen to a word I say, do you?"

"Of course I do." He grinned, tilting his head to the side, "I listen to every word that leaves those beautiful lips of yours. But whether I choose to take them into account when I'm chasing after you is another matter altogether."

"Look her Black, I've given you a list of reasons why I don't want anything to do with you." I crossed my arms, mirroring his body language. Not that he realised it, but I saw the uncertainty flicker in his eyes when I leaned in closer to him. He really was just a boy. "Do you want me to give you another list."

"If you can come up with enough reasons love, then try it."

My lips parted in shock before I regained my composure, "You mean that? You'd be willing to sit here and listen to me list all your faults? You're certainly more masochistic than I originally thought. Or is that a Gryffindor trait? Doesn't Potter have a masochistic streak in him too – chasing after Evans who hasn't given him a single glance?"

"Don't bring James into this," the comment was meant to be offhanded but it was anything but. Maybe that was the thing I needed to get him to leave.

"Hit a sore spot, have I?"

Black's eyes narrowed, and I realised then what I should have sooner – he was much more observant than I had originally thought. "I know what you're doing and it's not going to work. I'm not leaving here until I get what I want and just so you know, you still haven't given me the list."

I sighed and leaned away from him, scanning my eyes over the parts of his body that I could see. "What's the point in giving you the list Black? You'll just change what annoys me until I've 'given in' and then revert back to your normal self once you're done with me."

"You're so certain that you know me," he said with a shake of his head. "You're not even willing to get to know me."

"I know you – I've heard everything, remember?"

"No," he insisted meeting my eyes head on, "You know _of_ me and you're so incredibly scared of actually getting to know me in case I'm nothing like you though. It terrifies you that you might be wrong about me, that you might actually fall for me if you gave yourself the chance. I didn't realise that you were so cowardly."

"Well, we can't all be Gryffindors," I muttered, looking away from him to clear my throat. Sitting up straight, I looked back to him to give him an appraising look. "Look, can you not just shut up and go away? I'd actually come to the library with the intention of doing some work – not that you'd know but seventh year is actually really stressful and your presence isn't welcome."

"Why?" The smirk was back in place, wiping away any signs of how serious he had been just a moment ago. "Do you find me distracting?"

"Salazar's sake, go away."

He gave me a crooked grin, "Make me."

My hand went to my pocket before he could say another word. He watched me pull my wand from my pocket and he rose to his feet with a chuckle, holding his hands in surrender as he backed away from the table. "Fine, I know when I'm not wanted."

"I don't think you do."

Black packed up his things – and once again, he did no work and hadn't let me do any either. Looking back to my notes, I continued to work through them before a chocolate box was thrust under my nose. Glancing up at Black, I raised an eyebrow.

"I went to Hogsmeade yesterday," he explained.

"So did I?"

"Just take them," he insisted sliding the box across the table towards me when it became obvious that I wasn't going to take the box.

Without another word, I focused back on the parchment in front of me. Only when I was certain that Black had walked away did I look back to the box of chocolates sitting innocently on top of the table. It meant nothing; I was just his current target so there was no need to become touched by such meaningless actions. Once someone else had caught his attention, then he'd stop.

Besides, there was no way he'd have known that they were my favourite.

* * *

He hadn't set foot in the library since the last time and I had been so incredibly pleased because it seemed like he had given up. Of course, the mild disappointment that I felt was promptly crushed before I could reflect on it. Even the proud feeling stemming from the fact that I had managed to withstand the charms of Sirius Black was short lived.

Just because he wasn't frequenting the library any more didn't mean that he had given up.

Once again, he had been waiting outside of my charms classroom and I had rolled my eyes at the sight of him. It was pointless to try and get away before he had seen me because, the moment I had walked out of the classroom, he had pushed away from the wall to approach me.

"How do you keep finding out where I am?" I complained, narrowing my eyes suspiciously up at him, "Do you have someone spying on me?"

"I don't need to resort to having someone spy on me – I have a free period when you've got charms."

"That doesn't explain all of the other times," I muttered before looking at him when he didn't say anything else. "What?"

"Give me your stuff."

"No." I clutched my textbook closer to my chest.

It was pointless. He took my bag from me and snatched the textbook away from him before I could react.

"Now if you want your stuff, follow after me quietly." He started to walk away, fully expecting me to follow after him.

"You know, I could just accio them back to me?" I followed a few steps after him.

Stopping in his step, he looked back to me, "But you won't."

He sounded extremely confident and I sighed, knowing I wouldn't. I was too curious about where it was that he was taking me. Quickening my footsteps to drop into step beside him, I waited for him to say something and again, he wouldn't.

"Where exactly are you planning on going?" I asked eventually as he continued to lead me somewhere.

"You'll see," he said vaguely and I rolled my eyes. He looked at me, as if he wasn't aware of the way the other students in the hall were looking at him. Just because he wasn't aware, it didn't mean that I wasn't. I'd already heard the malicious words circulating about me, wondering how I'd managed to keep him by my side for so long. The rumours varied from me force feeding him a love potion to me being pregnant with his kid. Honestly. "How has your day been?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, not quite believing my ears that he was asking me such a mundane question. "Do you actually care?"

"Of course I do," he responded defensively, "Would I have asked if I didn't care?"

"Yes," I said instantly, "You would, if you were trying to get into my pants – which you are."

"Once again you're assuming that you know me." He cast a glance my way, "What if that wasn't my intention?"

"Isn't it always your intention?"

He didn't say anything and I took that to mean that I was right. I had already known that was his intention, but it didn't make it sting any less.

"We're here," he declared instead of answering my question. I glanced around, eyebrows rising in surprise when I realised that he had walked me to the Slytherin common room. It was obvious that my surprise carried across to my facial expressions. Black chuckled and handed my textbook and bag back to me, "Did you really expect me to take you somewhere without your permission? I'm hurt love, you forget that I _am_ a gentleman."

With that he started to retreat as I called out after him, "Thanks!"

"Anytime," he responded with a grin, turning around for a moment before he continued to walk away.

When I went to head into the common room, I stopped at the sight of the boy standing in the entrance. "Severus."

He greeted me back, stepping out into the corridor and casting a dirty glance in the direction that Black was still walking him. Looking back to me, he raised an eyebrow, "What were you doing with him?"

"Nothing that you're thinking," I assured the younger boy, "He just walked me back to the common room."

"You should be careful of him," he warned me unnecessarily. "I know that you're a bright witch and already know that – but you've heard what he's like with witches."

"You're right," I agreed, adjusting my hold on my textbook as I wondered why the hell the sixth year was judging me. "I have heard what he's like and nothing of the sort is going on." I straightened up, "Although I don't appreciate being judged over the company I choose to keep – especially not from someone who is currently still in contact with Lucius Malfoy." Giving a pointed look at his concealed arm, I waited for his response.

He acknowledged my words with a nod of his head but didn't say anything about them. "I didn't mean to offend you – I just want you to be careful. You know that he gets bored after a date or two."

"I do know that." Looking away from him, I went to walk around him to head into the common room. "Hurry up and get to your lesson Severus – the house won't appreciate losing points."

Hurrying into the common room, I walked through the familiar tunnel. My steps slowed as I though over Severus' words. He was right, more often than not, Black grew bored after a date or two and didn't even attempt to sleep with some of the girls.

Not that he would realise it, but Severus had just given me an idea.

* * *

On the morning of the next Hogsmeade trip, I woke up early and approached the Gryffindor common room. Standing in front of the Fat Lady, I stared up at her as she spoke about how I wasn't a Gryffindor. But would that matter once I'd guessed the password? She'd have to open up anyway. Pursing my lips, I thought carefully. If I was a Gryffindor, what would I keep as the password? Crossing my arms, I waited for the Fat Lady to stop her talking. Reaching the end of her rant, she looked down at me as thought waiting for me to leave.

"Dumbledore," I tried out quietly.

The Fat Lady's eyes widened momentarily before she let out a sigh. Swinging open, she grumbled as I headed into the common room. Leave it to the Gryffindors to pick a password that was so easily guessed.

Setting foot in their common room, I took in the sheer amount of red and gold before releasing how silent it was. Most of the students were asleep. Those that were awake had already headed into Hogsmeade and the younger students who weren't allowed out, looked at me with mild shock. Rolling my eyes, I gestured for one of the first-year boys to approach me.

"Which set of stairs leads to the boy's dorms?" I asked him, waiting for an answer. He pointed to a set of stairs and I patted him on the top of the head in thanks.

Walking up the stairs, I scanned each of the doors, reading the signs attached to each of the doors. Finding the one with sixth years written on it, I opened the door slowly and peeked in cautiously. It seemed like they were all still asleep. Stepping quietly into the room, I looked around at the occupants of each of the beds until I found him. Merlin, what was I doing?

Making my way towards his bed, I was careful not to wake any of his dormmates. Sitting cross legged at the bottom of his bed, I magicked the curtains shut and cast a silencing charm. Once I was certain that it had worked, I leaned towards him and shook him gently, waking him up.

Blinking sleepily up at me, he closed his eyes and went to go back to sleep. "Merlin, I'm still dreaming."

"Black." I shook him again.

"She even talks now," he muttered, rolling over to bury his face in his pillow. My eyebrows furrowed at his words but I dismissed them and continued to wake him.

When it became obvious that he wasn't planning on waking up any time soon, I stole the pillow from beneath his head. His head fell to the mattress and he finally opened his eyes. Sitting up against the headboard, Black rubbed the back of his head with a yawn. Gaze settling onto my figure, Black's eyes widened.

"You're actually here?" His surprise would have been amusing if I wasn't internally cursing myself for actually trying to carry out this plan.

"Of course I am." Throwing his pillow back to him, I watched as he used it to prop himself up. "Or did you think it was some sort of dream?"

"Something like that," he agreed, looking suddenly more awake. He looked around at the closed curtains before looking back to me, "What the hell are you doing here, anyway?"

"I'm not quite sure myself," I mumbled under my breath before looking back to him. He sat waiting for his answer, "It's a Hogsmeade trip today."

"It is," he agreed with a slight yawn. "What about it?"

Did his brain not work so early in the morning?

"We're going," I declared, seeing his shock and continued anyway, "I'm going to wait outside Honeydukes at 12 and I'm only going to wait for 10 minutes."

"You're being serious?" He grinned, reaching out to take one of my hands in his and I let him. "You actually want to go?"

"I'm only going to wait for 10 minutes," I reminded him, pulling my hand away from him. "If you're not there then I'm leaving."

With those words, I slid out of the bed, watching as he lied back against the mattress, blinking up at the ceiling with a smile. Rising to my feet, I hurried towards the door, pausing when I heard a set of curtains open. Looking back around the dorm, the tension fled my shoulders when I realised it was just Black who had opened the curtains to watch me leave.

Closing the dorm door behind me, I pressed my back against it. What had I just gotten myself into?

* * *

Black was there on time. In fact, he had arrived in front of Honeydukes before I was even there. Spying his figure, I let out a breath and hurried towards him.

"So," I said when I came to a stop in front of him, "What's the plan then?"

"You were the one that wanted to do this," he reminded me with an amused grin.

"Yes, but I thought I'd pander to your male pride and let you pick."

Shaking his head slightly with a chuckle, he gestured for me to lead the way. "Well follow after me."

"You've decided on a plan then," I said when he took my hand in his. I let him hold it, knowing that I'd end it all by the end of the date.

"Let's go to the Three Broomsticks and talk," he suggested, "You don't seem like a Madam Puddifoot's sort of girl and I just want to talk to you."

"No ulterior motives?" I teased.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He threw me a smirk. "You _were_ the one that snuck into my dorm and climbed into your bed."

Colour flooded my cheeks, when he put it like that –

"It's alright," he continued to tease, "I'll allow you to carry out your ulterior motives."

"Stop that," I complained, pushing him away from me slightly and speeding up. He continued to walk in a leisurely pace behind me, his teasing continued.

Hearing him chuckle from behind me when I didn't respond, I walked into the Three Broomsticks and settled down at a table. Walking in behind me, Sirius followed me to the table. Coming to a stop beside the table, he looked down at me, "Is butterbeer alright?"

I nodded and he headed to the bar to get our drinks. Whilst he was away, I was able to gather my thoughts. This date needed to go badly, so badly that he gave up and moved on. He needed to switch targets and only when he did that would I be able to go back to my normal life. But how? He'd said so himself – he just wanted to talk and I just needed to find the one topic that would put him off. It seemed like he was especially touchy about his friends, but that didn't seem like the answer. So, what –

He approached the table and I pushed my thoughts to the back of my mind. Putting my butterbeer down in front of me, he sat down and took a sip from his own.

"Thanks," I said with a small smile, looking down into my glass. Maybe I could try – "How have you been holding up?"

"Pardon?" he asked when I looked up at him, "Holding up about what?"

"You left your parent's home." I bit down on my bottom lip, wondering if I was going too far. But my next words were truthful, "I was worried when I heard you'd left home. What have you been up to?"

"I'm touched you care so much," he said with a grin before becoming serious, "I'm staying with James – his parents took me in as a second son."

"That's good."

"I'm much happier," he admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck. "It was definitely the right thing for me to move out and escape the poison atmosphere." He hesitated before asking, "How's Reg?"

"Regulus?" I smiled reassuringly at him, "He's still a kid so he's a bit mad but he doesn't hate you Sirius."

"Do you think so?"

"I know so."

"That's good," he released a deep breath as though he had just set down one of his biggest burdens. Straightening up in his seat, he gave me one of his usual smiles, "That's enough talk about me – let's move onto much lighter topics."

"Like what?"

"What do you want to do after Hogwarts?" He tilted his head slightly, "Or are you planning on becoming one of those pureblood wives?"

"Merlin, no." He laughed wholeheartedly at the look of disgust on my face and somehow, without knowing it, just the sight of his laugh made me smile.

"Good, because I'd hate to have to steal you away from your poor, unknowing fiancé."

And just as he wanted, our conversation drifted from those depressing topics and whilst it remained light-hearted, I couldn't shake the feeling that by the end of our date I knew him very well. But was this one of his ploys that made the girls fall for him? Except, I didn't think it was.

Sirius walked me back to the common room and I stood before him, trying to work up the courage to continue with my original plan. He shuffled on his feet slightly, looking a little shy and I furrowed my eyebrows; that wasn't like him.

"I had fun," he admitted with a grin, looking up at me from beneath his eyelashes.

"Me too," I said with a smile.

"Let's do it again," he said gaining confidence at the sight of my smile. His words made my smile turn grim and he called my name, worried slightly. Merlin, why was it so hard to get the courage to get the words out?

"There's no need to do it again," I said with more strength than I felt.

"You said you had fun?" he protested in confusion.

"And I did," I assured him, "But you should be satisfied Sirius – you got me to go out with you so you can switch targets now and be done with it."

"Was that what this was?" he asked incredulously, voice rising and echoing around the empty hallway. His reaction startled me; if this was just a game then there was no need for him to become so emotional about it. "A ploy to get me to stop bothering you? Merlin's beard, you _cannot_ be serious."

"It is what it is." I crossed my arms, not able to meet his gaze head on.

"Fine," he declared, clenching his jaw. Stepping closer to me, he pressed a kiss to my cheek before I could protest and drew back. "If that's what you want then I won't bother you anymore – I'm sorry that my presence was quite so intolerable."

I watched him as he walked away, heart thundering in my chest with each step he took. True to his word, he didn't come near me again and I should have been happy. I should have been pleased because he was doing what I had asked of him.

But I wasn't.

* * *

"There's a Gryffindor sixth year waiting outside the common room for you," the seventh-year prefect declared as he walked into the common room, approaching me as I sat curled before the fireplace.

"For me?" I asked as the conversation around me died down.

He nodded, "He's getting a big antsy so I'd hurry up and go."

As the prefect walked away, I shared a look with the girls who were all thinking the same thing as I was; was it Sirius? I cursed myself internally for the way my heart started to pick up at just the thought and rose to my feet. Composing myself before I crossed the common room, I walked through the tunnel that led to the entrance and stepped out into the corridor.

It wasn't Sirius and my heart dropped when I realised that. Looking at the lanky sixth year in the corridor, I couldn't help my confusion.

"Lupin?" I approached the sixth year, "Did you ask to meet me?"

"I did," he confirmed, looking down at me. "Look I know it's not my business to get involved in but you need to go and talk to Padfoot."

"You're right," I agreed, crossing my arms. "It's not your business."

"Maybe not," he said coolly. "But when someone puts my friend in the state that you've put Pads in, then I need to interfere. Merlin, you're lucky it's me here and not James. James was ready to abduct you and force the two of you into a broom closet until you fixed it, but I managed to convince him otherwise."

"The state he's in?" Completely disregarding the majority of his speech, I asked, "What state?"

"Look," he sighed, "You have to understand that the household Pads grew up in was one where he was completely deprived of love so is it really any surprise that he's practically allergic to commitment? He always used to claim that he'd never fall in love or have a crush on someone."

"What's this got to do with anything?" Shuffling uncomfortably on my feet, I tried to pretend that I had no idea where he was going with this.

"Because when he _did_ fall for someone he ran for the hills. Surely you noticed that he hasn't had a 'target' since the beginning of the year. His only one has been you? You're smart enough to figure out the rest."

"Lupin –"

"Don't give me that tone of voice." He shook his head firmly, "You have no idea how long it took for us to convince him that he was worthy of love and it was a good idea for him to go after you – especially because I know you have a crush on him." I went to protest, falling silent when he gave me a look, "There's no point in trying to deny it when I could already see the signs since last year."

"What's your plan then?" I asked quietly, looking down at my shoes, "Potter's plan was to lock us in a broom closet, what's yours?"

"I'm taking you to our dorm and you're going to make up."

There was no chance for me to protest and I followed him silently, thinking over his words. A part of me wasn't willing to believe that Sirius Black, renowned manwhore, wasn't actually that. He had, if Lupin's words were true, been experiencing his first love and I had crushed him because I was scared of being hurt. I had only reiterated the belief his parents had instilled in him that he wasn't worth loving. Salazar, I needed to fix this.

The Gryffindor common room fell silent when the students saw me trail after Lupin but I did nothing as I followed him up the stairs and into their dorm room. Lupin stood in the open doorway of the room I remained hidden behind him, not quite sure what to do. He shared a look with Pettigrew and Potter who both took the hint and turned to leave the room. I briefly heard Sirius ask why they were leaving.

"You better sort this out," Potter warned me as he left the room and only Sirius, Lupin and I remained in the room. Sirius still had no idea that I was here.

Moving to leave the room, Lupin exposed me to Sirius' eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something before deciding against it. Shutting the door behind him, Lupin left Sirius and me alone. I looked around the dorm, not yet ready to talk to Sirius who sat down on the edge of his bed.

"What are you doing here?" he asked after a while.

"Your friend, Lupin, brought me up here," I hesitated, starting to walk towards him. "He thinks we need to sort some stuff out."

"Merlin, they're all so bloody nosy." His eyes watched me apprehensively as I approached the bed he was sitting on.

Playing with my fingers, I came to a stop in front of him. He looked up at me but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. Where was I supposed to begin? _How_ was I supposed to begin?

Sirius sighed, looking away from me. "Let's do this – why don't you leave and then I'll just tell them that we made up? After all, you did say you didn't want me around so this must be torture for you."

"Sirius," I tried to protest, making him look up at me. My voice died down and I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" he raised an eyebrow, asking roughly. "For not pitying me?"

"That's not it," I denied firmly, finding my voice. The expression in his eyes flickered before they hardened over again.

"Then what are you sorry for exactly?"

"For making judgements about you based on what I'd heard, for actually getting to know you but not being willing to change my mind because I was scared, for lying to myself and hurting you in the process, for –"

He chucked, catching me by surprise and making me trail off. "You sure are apologetic for a lot of things."

"Because I've done you wrong." I said quietly.

"You've apologised and that's fine." He shrugged, "I forgive you. Besides, I'm not so self-obsessed to believe that I'm entitled to your love and affection. You don't like me back and that's fine – I'll get over it."

"That's not it either." I hesitated, biting down on my bottom lip. Looking down at my hands, I wrung them together only to stop when he took a hold of them. Glancing up at him, I swallowed nervously.

"If this is another ploy –"

"It's not." I let out a breath, "I was scared to admit how I really feel because you might not have felt it back, or you'd have continued to play with me even though you knew how I felt. I was so busy trying to protect myself that I hurt you in the process. And now I don't know what to do because I'm still so scared that you might realise that you don't actually like me in that way."

"Come here," he ordered and before I could do anything, he'd pulled me towards him in a hug. Although it was a bit awkward because he was still sitting and I was standing but he wrapped his arms around me, burying his head in my stomach. My hands fidgeted by my side before I gave into the impulse and ran one through his hair.

"Sirius?"

He sighed, turning his head to the side and pressing his cheek against my stomach. "Merlin, we make a pair. I'm so scared that you'll decide you don't want someone so broken and you're scared of something so impossible."

"What do we do know?"

"I'm not sure," Sirius admitted as he pulled away to look up at me with a small, insecure smile. It looked so out of place on his face. Overwhelmed with the need to comfort him, I cupped his cheek in my palm. "But according to James we start dating, get married and pop out a generation of more tolerant Blacks."

"Oh."

"But why don't we go slow?" He turned his head, pressing a kiss to my palm. "How does that sound?"

"Like a good plan."


	2. Epilogue

8 _YEARS LATER_

It was funny the way life worked out. Eight years after leaving Hogwarts, I carried the surname Black and had done so for 7 years now. When we married, we had been children, and perhaps if the threat looming over us hadn't been so extreme, then perhaps I would have pushed Sirius to wait. But I understood – we were being chased by Voldemort. Sirius' family had long ago joined his side and Voldemort wanted the missing piece – Sirius, who continued to refuse him. He had been a walking target and by association, so had I. In those days, we had feared for our lives in our every waking moment but that was years ago.

Voldemort was gone and we had nothing else to fear.

It was strange – in another life perhaps things would have worked out differently. Perhaps, Merlin forbid, the Potters would have been killed that fateful night. Perhaps, Peter wouldn't have turned to the dark side. You could never know what would have happened if things had been done differently. Who knew what would have happened if, due to Sirius' fear, the Potters had made Peter secret keeper instead of me?

"Love," a voice called from the doorway, bringing me out of my dark thoughts in a way that only he could. Turning the heat off of the pan I had been stirring mindlessly, I looked at him from over my shoulder.

"When did you get back?" I asked, making my way over to him. Sirius took me in his arms instantly – the hug was a little awkward, especially with my growing stomach in between us. "I thought you said you had something to do after work."

"I did," he said in that quiet tone of his – the one where he was uncertain of whether he was doing the right thing.

"What is it?" Growing concerned, I drew back to look up at him with worried eyes. Taking his face in my hands, I prompted, "Sirius?"

He bit down on his bottom lip, "I brought a guest home to stay for a while."

"Is that all? Merlin, I see you've still got that gene for being a drama queen but who –"

"Uncle Reg!" Our son, Alphard called out cheerfully from the other room. "You're here!"

"Really?" I asked eyes growing wide and a small, hopeful smile bloomed on my face, "You brought him home?"

He nodded, his smile blooming at the sight of mine. "He agreed to come over for the weekend but I'm working on getting him to stay forever." He looked uncertain again, "Is that alright?"

"Of course it is, this is his home too Sirius."

Sirius' relief was obvious and rolled my eyes, muttering that he was such a worrywart under my breath. Pressing a quick kiss to his lips, I walked around my husband and headed towards the sounds of my son's giggles. I was greeted with the sight of my brother-in-law repeatedly throwing my six-year-old son up in the air, only to catch him safely in his arms again.

"Regulus," I greeted as he put Alphard down. He smiled, slightly insecurely, eyes dropping down to my stomach.

"Merlin, you keep ballooning," he spluttered before clearing his throat, "I hope I'm not intruding."

"Don't be ridiculous," I dismissed, taking him into a hug. He refused to return it for a few moments before holding me closely. "This is your home too."

I kept my arms around him, knowing that he wasn't ready to let go yet. The two brothers were so very similar in their mannerisms. Both grew up deprived of love in different ways and without knowing it, they sought it out from anyone who would offer it to them. Raising my hand to his head, I ran my hand through his hair, just as I did to Alphard and Sirius when either of them had a nightmare.

"I told Sirius he should have asked you –"

"Don't be stupid Reg," I said quietly, meeting Sirius' eyes over Regulus' shoulders. He was watching the pair of us with a smile. "I'm glad you're out of that house."

I didn't need to specify that I was referring to the self-imposed solitude that he'd given himself, simply for bearing the dark mark. He had been held at trial for being a death eater but with Dumbledore's testimony that Regulus had destroyed one of the horcruxes, Regulus had been let off. But that wasn't enough for Regulus who was determined to hold himself accountable for everything Voldemort had done – even though that wasn't his fault. Since the day of his trial, he had holed himself up in Grimmauld Place. He had no idea that Sirius and I were just as determined to bring him back into our family.

"Now," I said, pulling away from him when I knew he was ready to let go. Raising my hand to his hair, I smoothed it down when I realised that I had messed it up. "Why don't you go and get settled down? I've finished making dinner and we can eat in a bit. Regulus, you're not allowed to leave my house until I've fattened you up a bit and even then I'm not planning to let you leave us all behind. So why not stay forever."

"Yes ma'am," he mocked, with a small smile. His voice grew solemn moments later "But only if you'll have me."

"I've already told you that this is your home," I muttered with a pout, "Stop saying dumb things – you're beginning to sound like Sirius."

Sirius, my poor husband, was already used to the pregnancy hormones making me extra snappy towards him. He didn't say anything and only rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't want to sound like Sirius," Regulus played along before looking down at his hand as Alphard tugged on it, determined to show him something. "What is it Alph?"

"Come on Uncle Reg, let's go upstairs while dinner's getting ready." Alphard tugged his uncle out of the room and Regulus staggered after him, "I want to show you to your room."

Alphard was too young to notice the way that his words made his uncle smile. But Sirius and I saw it; we saw just how carefree the smile was, how relaxed it was. When he smiled like that, he actually looked his age.

"Thank you," Sirius said when the two were out of earshot. He approached me and took my hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it.

"It's nothing to thank me for Sirius, he's family." I looked up at him, smiling mischievously, "This morning Alphard told me that he's his favourite uncle, imagine the look on James' and Remus' face when they find out."

"They'll be devastated," Sirius agreed, meeting my stare. "So, when do you think would be best to tell them that, then?"


End file.
